School Days…very funny!

Teacher: What is the full form of maths?
Student: Mentally affected teachers harassing students

Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what         virtue would I be showing?
Student: BROTHERLY LOVE

Teacher: ‘Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence? ‘
Johnny: ‘Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time.’

Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny: As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny: He became father only after I was born. (1st Rank)

Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, potatoes cost Rs3/kg…Then, what is my age?
Student: 32 yrs.
Teacher: How do you know?
Student: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.

Gadget Freek ?

Can You Survive without these two ? If given a choice between these two gadgets which gadget you will choose ?

Sleep …zzzz……zzz………

Some Interesting facts about Ideal Sleep –

Sleep is composed of two stages: REM (Rapid Eye Movement) and non-REM. The former helps in mental consolidation while the latter helps in physical repair an d rebuilding. During the night, you alternate between REM and non-REM stages 4-5 times.

The earlier part of sleep is mostly non-REM. During that period, your pituitary gland releases growth hormones that repair your body. The latter part of sleep is more and more REM type.

For you to be mentally alert during the day, the latter part of sleep is more important. No wonder when you wake up with an alarm clock after 5-6 hours of sleep, you are mentally irritable throughout the day (lack of REM sleep). And if you have slept for less than 5 hours, your body is in a complete physical mess (lack of non-REM sleep), you are tired throughout the day, moving like a zombie and your immunity is way down.

An Ideal sleep is of 7-8 hours. Do you sleep enough ?

Telemarketing Calls

How often do you get Telemarking calls specially from Telecom companies offering  cheap calling plans for you Landline ? How do you deal with them ?

Modern Work Culture

THE ANT

A FABLE… OR MAY BE NOT…

Every day, a small ant arrives  at work very early and starts work immediately.

She produces  a lot and she was happy.

The Chief, a lion,

was surprised  to see that the ant was working without supervision.

He thought if the ant can produce so  much without supervision, wouldn’t she produce even more if she had a supervisor!

So he recruited a cockroach

who had extensive experience as supervisor and who was  famous for writing  excellent reports.

The cockroach’s first decision was to set up a  clocking in attendance system.

He also needed a secretary to help him write and type his reports and …

… he  recruited a spider, who managed the archives and monitored all phone calls.

The lion was delighted with the cockroach’s reports

and asked him to produce graphs  to describe production rates and to analyse  trends, so that he could use them for presentations at

Board‘s meetings.

So the cockroach had to buy a new computer and a  laser printer and  …

… recruited a fly

to manage the IT department.

The ant, who had once been so productive and relaxed, hated this new plethora of paperwork  and meetings which used up most of her time…!

The lion came to the conclusion that it was high time to nominate a person in charge of the department where the ant worked.

The position was given to the cicada, whose first decision was to buy a carpet and an ergonomic chair for his office.

The new person in charge, the cicada, also needed a computer and a personal assistant ,who he brought from his previous department, to help him prepare a Work and Budget Control Strategic Optimisation Plan…

The Department where the ant works is now a sad place, where nobody laughs anymore  and everybody has become upset…

It was at that time that the cicada convinced the boss , the lion, of the absolute necessity  to start a climatic study of the environment .

Having reviewed  the  charges  for running the ant’s department , the lion  found out that  the production   was much less than  before.

So he recruited the owl , a prestigious and renowned consultant to carry out an  audit and  suggest solutions.

The owl spent three months  in the department and came up with an enormous report , in several volumes,

that concluded :

“ The department is overstaffed …”

Guess who the lion fires first?

The ant , of course,  because she

“showed lack of motivation and had a negative attitude”.

Divorce In Heaven

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, “I don’t know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out,” and he leaves.

The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. “What if it doesn’t work out?” they wonder, “Are we stuck together forever?” St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. “Yes,” he informs the couple, “you can get married in Heaven.” “Great,” says the couple, “but what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”

St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. “What’s wrong?” exclaims the frightened couple. “Geez!” St. Peter exclaims, “It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’s going to take for me to find a lawyer?”

Bag Full Of Money!

How Will You Spend A Bag Full of Money In One Hour ? What are the things you will buy first ?

10 Lessons For Today

1 0 Principles For Peace Of Mind..

1. Do Not Interfere In Others’ Business Unless Asked.

2. Forgive And Forget.

3. Do Not Crave For Recognition.

4. Do Not Be Jealous.

5. Change Yourself According To The Environment.

6. Endure What Cannot Be Cured.

7. Do Not Bite Off More Than You Can Chew.

8. Meditate Regularly.

9. Never Leave The Mind Vacant.

10. Do Not Procrastinate And Never Regret.

WHICH of the above lessons most appeals to you ? and why ?

Oldest things on EARTH….

• ↑ World’s Oldest Yoga Instructor (83-year-old)

Yoga instructor Bette Calman may be 83, but she’s still bending over backwards to spread the benefits of the ancient Indian discipline. The nimble grandmother can really pull some shapes and with her set hair and pearl earrings she looks as glamorous as Greta Garbo in a pink jumpsuit. With 40 years of teaching under her belt, the Australian wonder is living proof that a lifetime’s dedication to yoga will keep you flexible as a rubber band.

 

• World’s Oldest Cat (29-year-old)↓

Until he passed away at the ripe old age of 31 in July 2001, the world’s oldest catwas chasing spiders without the equivalent of a feline walking cane. Spike, a British ginger and white tom, had been certified as the world’s oldest living cat by the Guinness Book of Records in 1999, when the sprightly kitty was just 29.

Measured in human years, Spike was an amazing 140 years old, though many veterinarians dispute the validity of such human/cat comparisons. (Perhaps it’s just jealousy; Spike retained all his original teeth and hair!) Either way, Spike beat the odds – domestic longhairs have a life span of about 15 years. His owner, Mo Elkington, an aromatherapist from Dorset, England, purchased Spike in 1970. She fed him a steady diet of fish and cat food, with a little aloe vera mixed in to protect him against arthritis and rheumatism.

• ↑World’s Oldest Bottle of Champagne (184-year-old)
  One tasted white truffles, another gingerbread. But the esteemed wine critics that gathered to taste the world’s oldest Champagne were at least agreed on one thing: that they were enjoying the opportunity of a lifetime. 12 of the wine industry’s top tasters had been given the rare chance to give their verdict on the world’s oldest bottle of Champagne. Only two bottles now remain of the Perrier-Jouet 1825 Vintage, recognised by The Guinness Book of Records as the oldest remaining Champagne in the world.

 

And Finally -

World’s Oldest Brand (124-year-old)
Lyle’s Golden Syrup has been named as Britain’s oldest brand, with its green and gold packaging having remained almost unchanged since 1885. The Guinness Book of Records gave the breakfast and teatime sweetener, whose tins bear the image of a lion and a biblical quotation, the prized honour.

Somebody’s watching you..

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,
‘Jesus knows you’re here.’

The burglar nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more , he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard
‘Jesus is watching you.’
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. His flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot.
‘Yep’, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you th at he is watching you.’

The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?’
‘Moses,’ replied the bird.

‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed. ‘What kind of people would name a bird Moses?’
‘The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.’

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